Communication

"Your most important friendships should be with your own brothers and sisters and with your father and mother. Love your family. Be loyal to them. Have a genuine concern for your brothers and sisters. Help carry their load so you can say, like the lyrics of the song, 'He ain't heavy; he's my brother'." (President Ezra Taft Benson) This week we discussed the importance that communication has in marriage. I believe this quote not only applies to us children but to husbands and wives as well. Your spouse should be your best friend. It is important that you maintain a good relationship with one another. Although this is important, it is no easy task. Just as all friends share great moments with one another, they also experience bad moments. Disagreements, misunderstandings, or fights all happen in a marriage and in a family for that matter. The way we deal with those issues is just as important as fixing those issues. For example when you fight with someone, how do you typically handle the situation? Do you become so frustrated that express your emotions by yelling? Or do you often hide those emotions and instead of letting them out, you keep to yourself and do not even bother arguing with whomever you’re upset over? Personally this reflect on I handle situations such as those. I would have to say that I am more like the second stereotype. Whenever I get upset with someone I tend to use the silent treatment to get my point across. My reasoning for doing this consists of two things. First because I don’t like bothering people with personal things. And second because I don’t like opening up to people. I recognize this is probably a really bad habit to get into. If I’m like this now with other people, just imagine how my marriage is going to like. It’s going to be a struggle most likely. Although I do give myself a little credit for recognizing this. In order to truly resolve an issue, you must communicate with your partner or whomever in order to have true peace. I am an awful example. I do the complete opposite of fixing the situation. Communicate! Don’t be like me! Now touching on the other stereotype they do communicate. But the way those people tend to communicate is not the right way of going about things. Yelling and screaming will never solve an issue. People ultimately struggle with this habit because they often do not know how to control their feelings as opposed to their counterparts. Whatever sort of problem comes up, you need to be able to communicate with your partner and express your feelings and a civil and constructive way. I had an experience not too long ago that relates to this topic. Last semester I got really close to my roommates and was able to gain great friendships with each of them. Towards the end the semester I got upset with one of them over something that they had down. Instead of talking to this person about it, I gave them the silent treatment and did not express this issue. And because of that, I ultimately lost him as a friend. Do not make this same mistake. I really cared about this person and I still do, and I’m ashamed of myself for not saying something and not being able to continue the friendship that we had. I learned from this experience however. Take it from me it’s best to communicate, because you might end up losing a lot more than you think. Be mature with whatever situation comes up and you will be grateful that you did make an effort to communicate.

Stress

"Each of us will have our own Fridays -- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death -- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin) Everyone that I am close with knows how great my parents are. Growing up my friends would often talk about how great my parents were as people. They treated them with kindness. They always welcomed them into our home and made them feel like they were part of the family. My parents were always very supportive of me and knew how much my friends meant to me. We have been blessed to have attended a number of wards ever since we first joined the church. I would hear similar comments from ward members about my parents as well. They saw how special they were, and because of all these people I noticed it as well. I am so grateful to have such wonderful parents. They’ve always given me everything I’ve ever wanted and more. My home was always full of love and support. Although I have been blessed to have been raised in such a comfortable and loving home, it was not always life this. Fifteen years ago, my home was very different than how it is now. My parents and I were not members of the church. We actually did not facilitate ourselves with any religion. We believed in God, but that was about it. In that time period, I saw my parents struggle with many things. My father had been struggling with finding work for a long time. He had issues with drinking and smoking cigarettes. He would cope with all of his financial issues by doing those things. That would cause him to have mood swings and yell at my mother. She too would drink but not as heavily as him. I remember we often have to pick him up late at night from the shop because he would stay their with his workers smoking, drinking, and gambling. He was not able to drive himself home so we would have to go there and bring him home. How do you think my mother about all of this during this time? Obviously she was doing everything perfect but she did struggle with my bad because he was being a bit irresponsible and making life more stressful at home than it needed to be. After school I would walk home and spend hours waiting for my parents to get home from work, and as soon as they would get home, they would start arguing and fighting. You do not want to ever hear two Latino parents arguing. It’s the worst thing in the world. That would hurt me so much. It was literally the scariest and saddest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I knew were missing something in our lives. I knew my home was not supposed to be like this but I didn’t know what to do in order to change all this. One day my parents started arguing and screaming at each other and it got so bad that I ran into my room just crying my eyes out from feeling so much pain. I did not want to lose them. I had an impression that I needed to pray. I was six years old. I didn’t really know who or what God was just that He existed. I knelt on my bed and prayed to Heavenly Father that he would do something to change all this. I pleaded with Him, begging Him to make things better and if it came down to it, I would much rather prefer myself to suffer than my parents. I don’t remember how long it took after that moment, but days or weeks later we started going to church and that’s when everything changed. My father overcame his addictions. My mother stopped drinking. My dad was able to finally find work again and provide for us. We received everything and a lot more than we needed just from a simple prayer. You cannot go through trials alone. There will come a time when you’ll realize that you need God in your life. You might have to struggle to eventually find Him, but it will be worth it cause He will bless you in ways you never dreamed possible. Ask and ye shall receive. Pray and He will listen.

Sexual Intimacy

"Just as Jesus used a child in His mortal ministry as an example for the people of the pure love they must and could have to be like Him, He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is." (President Henry B. Eyring) Just as people have a misconception of love, people have a misconception of sex. Why is it that people look at sex as something so negative? The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has described this God-given power as something “beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage.” Satan has led so many people into believing that they may use this sacred power outside of marriage or with people of the same sex. Alma, a prophet of The Book of Mormon, described sexual intimacy outside of marriage as one of the “most abominable above all sins…”  People often forget that one of the first commandments God gave to man was to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth. “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” This is to be done through the sacredness of sexual relations between a married man and woman. What makes this power so sacred however? Elder Holland, a living-day apostle, described sexual intimacy as “you will never be more like God at any other time in this life than when you are expressing that particular power.” When performing such an act, we are dealing with the power of creation. Sex is meant to bring children into this world. Our Heavenly Father, the God of creation, has given us this ability, but we must not take advantage, nor divulge it. This sacred moment is between, you, your spouse, and God. We see so many people today not living in accordance with what God has always taught His children. Many individuals don’t realize how sacred this is and how it can have a negative affect on their lives when this power is mistreated. “We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” Media and other social networks are causes for these issues as well. Society portrays sex as meaningless and alright. Satan is heavily at work and only wishes to wishes to cause pain and suffering. If we live a chaste life and apply the teachings of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, then he will pour out great blessings in our lives. We will be able to gain a spouse, raise children, and be healthy. Sex is a symbol of unity. We should never allow ourselves to conform to society and do whatever it is that the world is doing. It may be fun in the moment, but it will only be for a moment. Temporary happiness does not bring eternal happiness.

Transitions in Marriage

"Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness" (President Russell M. Nelson). What happens when two imperfect people end up falling in love and getting married? Obviously there will sometimes be misunderstandings, fights, and tension. If you are in search of the “perfect someone,” trust me when I say there isn’t one. Even if there were that special someone, why would she or he end up with you? As harsh as that may sound it’s true. Eternal Marriage is a symbol of unity. Often times I have pondered over this subject. The best advice I can come up with is try to find someone that has certain qualities that you do not possess. We are all imperfect human beings. God and I are the only ones who truly understand myself. I know my weaknesses and strengths. In order to better those weaknesses, I need to look for someone who is good at those things or areas. Although this may seem one-sided, it is not. I hope to end up with someone that will be good what I am not, but I will be have certain qualities that she does not have. And together we shall grow and become better. I am a person that is always thinking about improvement. Just like the rich young ruler in the new testament I often ask myself “what lack I yet?” I am aware that I have a number of things that I need to improve on, but I know I cannot do it alone. I need someone to help me improve as a person, individual, a son, etc. I have been able to obtain all of my strengths thanks to the help of others. Ask yourself when decided on if he or she is really the one for you “is this person going to make me better or worse?” I have seen this concept in my parents. My parents are complete opposites. Their personalities are what make them different. My father is typically the energetic one. Always trying to make people smile and looking for friendship. Striving to connect with people and understand them. I really love him because of how unselfish he has always been. He has always put his kids first. He has always given me more than what I deserve. And that’s incredible considering he came from poverty in a different country. My father struggled and sacrificed much to be where he is today. My mother is quite the opposite. She is nice but is not as open as my father. She is more reserved and the more responsible one in the family. Out of the two, she is always the main one that gets mad at me when I am not doing what I am suppose to do. This may sound bad, but she is the one that wears the pants in the relationship. Always doing what is needed to be done. She is a very professional individual. Although their personalities are quite different, they complement each other. She has helped him become more responsible. He has helped her become more loving towards others. They always want to be together. They cannot stand being away from each other. They do fight but they do their best to try to resolve issues. Find that person that compliments you. And you will see how he or she can help you reach your full potential.

Dating

Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord(1 Corinthians 11:11).” In this week’s topic, I would like to discuss dating. This is not such a highly controversial topic as previous things I have discussed previously. Why is dating so important? Why do we do it? Do we do in a way that’s positive or negative? Or for that matter is there even a correct way of dating? Hearing from past experiences of different individuals and just by analyzing certain different examples from media sources, there has been a constant saying as far as how older people view dating today. Have you ever heard the phrase, “dating is just not how it used to be anymore.” Well that now poses the question what was dating like before? One of my professors this week described talked about how he would go on a number of dates every week. It was a normal thing. But the type of dates that people would go on were a lot more different than any normal date that people tend to go on nowadays. He described a date with three categories. A date is something that is planned. A date is something that is paid for. A date is pared off. Planned, paid for, and pared off. He tied those key points with sacred role a father/husband. Those roles we can find in “THE FAMILY A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD. THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.” In this quote we find three main responsibilities that a father holds; to provide, provide, and protect for his family. Can we tie these responsibilities with the three ingredients that makes a date? The purpose of dating for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is described as following states, “In cultures where dating or courtship is acceptable, dating can help youth develop friendships and eventually find an eternal companion. Youth in the Church are taught to wait until at least age 16 to begin dating and to date only those who have high moral standards. A young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to help each other maintain their standards and to protect each other's honor and virtue” Now is every date that we typically have like this? Of course not! We often confuse dating with the term “hanging out.” A hangout is most often not planned, nor paid for, and not pared off. Laying on the couch all day and making out is not date my friends. My mind was blown when I heard about this! Hooking up and having a one night stand with someone of the opposite is sex is not a date either. And actually in hindsight, defeat the purpose of dating. Dating is meant in order to get to know someone, not just physically but emotionally as well. You can’t get to know someone through physically intimacy. That creates problems emotionally for both individuals, and is definitely not preparing us to become eternal companions.