The Aging Family

“Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ.” (-Dieter F Uchtdorf) You will get at a certain point in your life, as a parent, that you will need to tend and meet the needs of not only your children, but your parents and your spouse’s parents as well. Have you ever thought about what sort of experience that is going to be for you and your spouse? Or if you are not yet married, your future spouse? Thinking about it, that time period that you will experience with your spouse will be a period of much stress and responsibility. It is hard enough having to raise a child, but to have to take care of your parents as well will be a tough challenge. Aging parents are not able to take care of themselves due to health concerns. This is normal. To some individuals, this may seem like a burden, but in hindsight, if your parents were able to take care of you, then you can most certainly take care of them. I would not recommend putting your parents in a home instead. Personally, I would just not feel comfortable that decision. I know it would be hard, but they are my parents and I know they would do the same for me because they have. During this time as well, children are developing and getting into their adolescent years. A great time for all parents. It’s something that I am sure they look most forward to. Typically, parents will face many challenges during this stage. They have to understand that this requires much patience and understanding. I am sure this will be difficult because at the same time they will be dealing with aging parents at the same time. But after all these things happen, what happens to parents once the children are all grown up and their parents end up dying? Obviously, this will be a completely different situation than what they are normally used to. They may feel a sense of feeling uncomfortable or emptiness. Why is this? Well a rational explanation for this sense of discomfort may be because the parents had gotten so used to meeting the needs of those around them that they forget what married life was like when they did not have those concerns or responsibilities. Couples may even end up having marital problems or troubles with the relationship. They had spent so much time spending time caring for others that they never truly furthered the relationship and were not able to connect as much as they could have done. I feel like many couples may not realize this, and for those couples that do not end up realizing this because end up losing interest in their partner. And as a result, they may end up divorcing even at an older age. On the other hand, some couples might still end up developing the relationship without even realizing. We each of trials in our lives. Why might be the reason for this? Trials and bad situations in general help us grow individually but in this case, they help us grow as a couple. When we are in the service of others, we often end up benefitting more ourselves than the people or person we tried helping. Although unfair as this may seem, it is a clear indication that is important to help other people in time of need. God oversees all of our attempts and knows we try our best at times. Never lose sight of the things and people that matter the most cause you might end up losing yourself because of it.

Parenting

"To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them." (President Thomas S. Monson) Parenting is essential and impacts any child. It is not just important that we do it, but how we do it as well. You may have heard that each parent has their own “parenting style.” Some parents may say that are more loose or easy going. Others claim that they are stricter and hold their children more accountable for their actions. What is the right approach? How do gain a clear understanding about the way we raise our kids, without having to deal with culture? One thing clear that I think that every parent must understand that is that they cannot control their children. Some parents tend to have a misunderstanding when it comes to this concept. They may think of themselves as superior. They may feel entitled that since they see themselves as “the boss” that they are the one’s on control and children to not have the right to use their agency. I do not mean to offend any parent when saying that this is false. Kids overall are the ones in control of their own actions. Whether they do something right or wrong, it is based on their own free will and choice. Just as our loving Heavenly Father cannot control what we do in this life, neither can parents control their own children. Each parent has a sacred role in raising a child. However, both parents hold the sacred responsibility in teaching their children key principles that God has passed down to His children since the beginning of time. In summary the only thing a parent can do is teach their children. Everything else depends on their choices and actions. Now when a child does something wrong, how do we respond? How should we teach our child in that situation? What is the right way to discipline a child? One thing that I can say is that physically abuse is not the way to discipline a child. That is not the way to go about parenting. I remember one occasion when serving a mission in Guatemala where I met a family that had their own way of discipling their kids. They made the claim that their kids would act out so much that they needed to physically abuse their kids. I even remember us having lunch with them and hearing the father hit one of the sons with his belt because he was acting out. The spirit was most definitely not in the room. We felt so bad for the kid. Even though he had done something wrong, that was not the way to go about things. They even asked us about our opinion on the subject and they got offended by our response. I hope no parent does this same thing. Yes, children will make mistakes and we will feel frustrated at times, but we should think for one second that by hitting a child they will behave. We should look to the Savior and remember how he taught others. Even in the midst of so much hate and darkness, he was able to teach his brothers and sisters with love and compassion. When the apostles would make mistakes, He would never physically discipline them but would teach them with kindness.

Fathers

"We do live in turbulent times. Often the future is unknown; therefore, it behooves us to prepare for uncertainties. Statistics reveal that at some time, for a variety of reasons, you may find yourself in the role of financial provider. I urge you to pursue your education and learn marketable skills so that, should such a situation arise, you are prepared to provide." (President Thomas S. Monson) The role of a father is so crucial in developing and providing for a family. I have often pondered over the subject and I have thought to myself, what do I have to do in order to be ready for such a task? Education and the development of personal skills and talents will bless the lives of so many people such as your loved ones. This is not an easy task. I actually consider it one of the most difficult tasks that any man will face in this life. In one of the paragraphs from The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states, “ By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” God has taught us through His divine servants the prophets and apostles that fathers have three vital responsibilities in their role in the family. Fathers are to provide, preside, and protect. Now let’s turn our focus to provide. Obviously this means financially. But are all fathers and husbands good for is money? Of course not! This is very important yes, but fathers are much more than that. But we cannot deny that this is essential in order to have a stable home. I come from two very hard-working parents. They have always done their best to try to give me all that I have ever wanted and much more. I am so blessed to have had a father that has put my needs ahead of his. He is a great example and role model for me in my life personally to be honest. I do not think I can ever repay him for all that he has done for me. Something that really surprises me even more is the fact that my father really struggled growing up as a kid. When he was fourteen he lost his father and was forced to live with his grandparents because my grandmother was not able to provide and take care of all of my aunts and uncles. At eighteen he came to the United States and had to adapt to the different lifestyle that there is here in comparison with the Mexican lifestyle. He eventually married my mother and I was born soon after. My father had previously married another woman before marrying my mom and he had three children with her. Overall he has had to provide for a number of children including myself. He did not go to college. He was not blessed with the same opportunities as me or my siblings. And he still was able to start his own business, work, and pay provide for all of us. It has not been easy, especially considering he had to learn how to do everything himself. I have never met a man like my dad. I am so lucky to have him in my life. Not because of all the things that he has bought me, but for teaching me that your children come first and you must be willing to do anything in order to protect and provide for them. Fathers are more than what society sees them as, they are superheroes that change the lives of many children today.